Is when you are blogging while your husband is using his 48 hours of XBOX live to hang out with his high school friends. Playing Halo, of all the games he could play.
Knowing you love your husband when you are willing to spend 6 weeks without him.
Couple of insights the last couple of days:
- One, when you don't have children and most of the people around you do and you don't know what to blog about because your life is just you and your husband and work. Family every once in a while, but not having the same thing to blog about as most of the world (well, the blogging world that I follow).
- Promises are promises and they can be trusted when they are from a perfect person, even when you don't really want to trust them because it literally scares you to death (spiritually speaking).
- Feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders because your life is about to change so drastically you have no idea what to expect. Oh wait, try that being the last 5.5 years of my life.
and last but certainly not least:
- When you have learned the art of sarcasm and those around understand it. Because you were being truly ironic, and not rude to people, but just being literally opposite of all of what you expect.
Welcome to my world.
There was once a man and a woman who fell in love... this is their story.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
"One is not like the others" Response.
My sister recently posted a pretty personal post and I wanted to write much more in my comment than I did because there wasn't enough space.
So I thought I would write it here.
This is what I started out with:
I don't think the question really is, "when will I begin to be loved for who I am?" Because there are already many people who love you for exactly who you are. I think the question behind the question you posted was, "When will the person who is to be my eternal companion come along and love me for who I really am?" For that, there is no answer that any one can give that will suffice the longing and yearning that you feel, other than God himself. Love the Lord, love yourself, and live your plan to its fullest. --->this is what I ended up leaving, but here are the rest of my thoughts.
So many times we want something that is good and righteous, and full out natural, but we want it now and we think we know best. Sometimes the "Great Being" gives it to us, but most of the time he doesn't. Then we start to become hurt and angry that we didn't get it when we thought we were ready, and this leads to resentment and pride. For example, I have many friends that want to be married or pregnant (most married, but some single want both marriage and babies). And it is very interesting to see how each reacts to it. The ones that have humbled themselves and have started to see things as they really are, those are ones that eventually get what they want. Most of the times it is years later, but they do get what they want. The ones that turn resentful and angry and pretty much turn their backs on the "Great Being" get their temporary reward, but years later are at a completely different spot than those of their counterparts.
I am not saying it is "bad" to have those feelings, it is what you do with them. It is hard, but it is much better in the end to humble ourselves and live life to its fullest now. I feel a lot of peace since I stopped worrying about when Ron and I would have children. They will come in their own time. It was the same way with getting married. I had decided about 6 months after my mission that I was okay with being single the rest of this mortal period, but I had a witness that would not be the case. I then almost married someone and even though it was the hardest thing to break up with that man, it was the greatest blessing also. Yeah, I was pretty angry and numb for about 6 or so months, especially because we still lived near each other, but then I had another witness that there was nothing wrong with me or that man, it just was no longer the 'right' thing for us to pursue an eternal relationship. That is when the healing started and I started living my life fully again. I got involved in tons of service and volunteering. I got outside of myself and I left it in the "Great Being's" hands. It was over a year later that I started dating my husband. Yes, I went on dates with other guys between these two serious relationships, and I really got to be good friends with a lot of guys. But it wasn't the "Great Being's" time for me to have an eternal relationship. In the end, I got what I wanted and I love my husband.
In essence, Love God, love ourselves and live life to our fullest. We are the ones who stop ourselves from doing that. It is a process and I don't blame anyone for questioning. However, we would do everyone a favor, including ourselves, to become trusting and submitting sooner rather than later. Because in the end we just hurt ourselves and those around others when we don't.
So I thought I would write it here.
This is what I started out with:
I don't think the question really is, "when will I begin to be loved for who I am?" Because there are already many people who love you for exactly who you are. I think the question behind the question you posted was, "When will the person who is to be my eternal companion come along and love me for who I really am?" For that, there is no answer that any one can give that will suffice the longing and yearning that you feel, other than God himself. Love the Lord, love yourself, and live your plan to its fullest. --->this is what I ended up leaving, but here are the rest of my thoughts.
So many times we want something that is good and righteous, and full out natural, but we want it now and we think we know best. Sometimes the "Great Being" gives it to us, but most of the time he doesn't. Then we start to become hurt and angry that we didn't get it when we thought we were ready, and this leads to resentment and pride. For example, I have many friends that want to be married or pregnant (most married, but some single want both marriage and babies). And it is very interesting to see how each reacts to it. The ones that have humbled themselves and have started to see things as they really are, those are ones that eventually get what they want. Most of the times it is years later, but they do get what they want. The ones that turn resentful and angry and pretty much turn their backs on the "Great Being" get their temporary reward, but years later are at a completely different spot than those of their counterparts.
I am not saying it is "bad" to have those feelings, it is what you do with them. It is hard, but it is much better in the end to humble ourselves and live life to its fullest now. I feel a lot of peace since I stopped worrying about when Ron and I would have children. They will come in their own time. It was the same way with getting married. I had decided about 6 months after my mission that I was okay with being single the rest of this mortal period, but I had a witness that would not be the case. I then almost married someone and even though it was the hardest thing to break up with that man, it was the greatest blessing also. Yeah, I was pretty angry and numb for about 6 or so months, especially because we still lived near each other, but then I had another witness that there was nothing wrong with me or that man, it just was no longer the 'right' thing for us to pursue an eternal relationship. That is when the healing started and I started living my life fully again. I got involved in tons of service and volunteering. I got outside of myself and I left it in the "Great Being's" hands. It was over a year later that I started dating my husband. Yes, I went on dates with other guys between these two serious relationships, and I really got to be good friends with a lot of guys. But it wasn't the "Great Being's" time for me to have an eternal relationship. In the end, I got what I wanted and I love my husband.
In essence, Love God, love ourselves and live life to our fullest. We are the ones who stop ourselves from doing that. It is a process and I don't blame anyone for questioning. However, we would do everyone a favor, including ourselves, to become trusting and submitting sooner rather than later. Because in the end we just hurt ourselves and those around others when we don't.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Montage
So,
Pretty much here is the rest of the story.
The point I was trying to make in the previous post, which did NOT happen, was that forgiveness is really important in our lives. And who a better person to practice on than God!
He doesn't NEED our forgiveness because he hasn't wronged us, but often times when our dreams are shattered to become better than what we had in store, we feel wronged and we have to practice forgiving Him and ourselves.
Second thought: Some people are just not ready for what they most want. I think about when I wanted to be married and I just wasn't as ready as I thought I was, until I was really ready and then I didn't worry about it. I got married 6 months later to my amazing man, Ron!
Third thought: It is okay to grieve the loss of dreams. It is about progression and taking our time on the path. Some people have their dreams come to pass, but there will be roadblocks later on and it might be even more painful than having had it earlier.
Last thought: Our lives have purpose and our lives are dependent upon Trust in something greater. I believe it is because of God, his son, Jesus Christ and a hope of eternal life. Some people think differently.
Those were the rest of my thoughts from Saturday. It just took a while to write it down here.
-Hannah
Pretty much here is the rest of the story.
The point I was trying to make in the previous post, which did NOT happen, was that forgiveness is really important in our lives. And who a better person to practice on than God!
He doesn't NEED our forgiveness because he hasn't wronged us, but often times when our dreams are shattered to become better than what we had in store, we feel wronged and we have to practice forgiving Him and ourselves.
Second thought: Some people are just not ready for what they most want. I think about when I wanted to be married and I just wasn't as ready as I thought I was, until I was really ready and then I didn't worry about it. I got married 6 months later to my amazing man, Ron!
Third thought: It is okay to grieve the loss of dreams. It is about progression and taking our time on the path. Some people have their dreams come to pass, but there will be roadblocks later on and it might be even more painful than having had it earlier.
Last thought: Our lives have purpose and our lives are dependent upon Trust in something greater. I believe it is because of God, his son, Jesus Christ and a hope of eternal life. Some people think differently.
Those were the rest of my thoughts from Saturday. It just took a while to write it down here.
-Hannah
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Big Bee Outside My Window.
So the bee is gone, but we have had some recent viewers see this blog. I hope you find it exciting because I am a newer blogger and I find that some blogs just have lots of pictures with stories and some have more substantial material. I am probably in the category of the later.
But I wanted to write about some really cool insights about myself and Ron lately.
Hopefully I can write them all down from what I remember because it was past midnight when we went to bed last night and I only wrote a few thoughts down as "reminders" so I could write about them today. So come with me on this journey and we will see how much I remember.....:D
First of all:
Went for an hour, fifteen minute drive to my sister's last night to go grocery shopping with her and to see my cute little 6 week old nephew. My sister LOATHES grocery shopping and so any company she can have she welcomes it. On the way there I blasted the stereo and sang at the top of my lungs with the windows down and my hand waving in the breeze. I LOVED it. Ron and I went on a date last night and I was craving some alone time, so I took a drive. It was beautiful.
I arrived at the designated store and then chatted with my sister about life. Benji was blessed when my papa and mom were in town and it seemed like an incredible thing to hear about what Benji has in store for him. For all of the NON-LDS folk that happen to stumble upon this blog, in the LDS Chruch, when children are born, they are given a name and a blessing in front of the congregation that they were born in. This is somewhat similar to an infant baptism in the Catholic church, but actually really different. Basically, a father (typically, but not always) stands in front of the congregation and gives his child a name (the name they will be known by on the records of the church) and then a blessing. The blessing is very similar to a prayer that is pronounced upon that infant. There is more to it than that, but I don't feel this is the appropriate venue to discuss Ideological beliefs in depth. If you have further curiosity, visit here or leave a comment, and I can personally discuss more with you. Needless to say, it was great talking to my sister about what has been going on in her life and her children's lives. We also talked about my life and what is going on in it.
There were a couple of things that I came away from the conversation with. They are as follows:
-Forgiveness. I have a had a couple of conversations with siblings, spouse and friends and I have decided that Forgiveness is probably one of the important actions one can ever take. Far too much crap is held on to make people miserable. This is what I have learned: you have to love yourself and invite God's love into your life. Once you have started to love yourself, you have to accept yourself, weaknesses and all. You are not perfect, nor will you ever be. And when you mess up, forgive yourself, change/learn from it, and be a better person. And when others are that way, pray for the strength to forgive them and accept them as you do yourself. This was taught by Jesus Christ in the Old and New Testaments: Love the Lord they God and Love thy neighbor AS THYSELF. I know it is hard, especially with so many messed up situations nowadays, but if you learn how to this, you will be much more happy than those around.
To be continued....
There were a couple of things that I came away from the conversation with. They are as follows:
-Forgiveness. I have a had a couple of conversations with siblings, spouse and friends and I have decided that Forgiveness is probably one of the important actions one can ever take. Far too much crap is held on to make people miserable. This is what I have learned: you have to love yourself and invite God's love into your life. Once you have started to love yourself, you have to accept yourself, weaknesses and all. You are not perfect, nor will you ever be. And when you mess up, forgive yourself, change/learn from it, and be a better person. And when others are that way, pray for the strength to forgive them and accept them as you do yourself. This was taught by Jesus Christ in the Old and New Testaments: Love the Lord they God and Love thy neighbor AS THYSELF. I know it is hard, especially with so many messed up situations nowadays, but if you learn how to this, you will be much more happy than those around.
To be continued....
Thursday, July 5, 2012
What is the deal.....
So they never talk about the anxiety that comes with life changes.
No I am not pregnant, at least that I know of.
I guess that it is just hard when you anticipate stuff. Especially when it seems so far away.
Friday, June 22, 2012
"Back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh"
It is so amazing to me how clear the past really is, how much living in the present is a challenge and how unpredictable the future really is.
I feel I have been reminiscing often lately and would like to invite you on a quick journey.
Today: Tried to find the location of a building and got side tracked on a video from a childhood friend. His younger siblings are really my good friends but I spent a lot of time at his house growing up because he was my oldest sister's best friend. It is a beautiful tale of a family dear to my heart. There are more memories caught up in this one family than I can write in a whole book. Unfortunately, at this time, my memory is shot and will not do justice to them. Needless to say, I am grateful for them.
Yesterday: Going through old messages on facebook and finding out what people really thought of me. I have a friend I have known for over 10 years and she wrote a journal entry about how we became friends and how she felt that I was one of the only people who didn't give up on her. How could I ever give up on her? Or on any one? I will say this: I find it easy to give up on things that are not giving energy back, positive or negative. There are certain people in my life that I will always communicate with, even after they pass this life. I believe these people know who they are, but some might not. This is not the time, nor the venue in which I will say who they are, but I am grateful for them! For their loving friendships and support. Sometimes older, sometimes the same, sometimes younger.
A couple of days ago: Staring at a picture that was taken literally minutes after I was sealed to my eternal companion. It sits on my desk right next to my computer at work. We looked so good as a couple. Happiness radiated from our smiles and excitement for what lay ahead. We had no idea what we were getting into. Not the marriage thing, because I could not ask for a better marriage. But the trials and stresses that would come along the way. Didn't expect those. Still not sure of what the future holds, but keeping things in a balance and realizing there is a greater plan already out there and is waiting to be explored.
A week ago: Organizing our house and giving unwanted things to DI or recycling what papers we can. Going through some of my mission planners and telling Ron what some of the pictures meant. Being reminded of one of the greatest struggles of my life and how it was for me. I can say I loved my mission only because I gave up myself and became a newer, better person. It is so funny. I thought I exercised faith before my mission. Then I thought I couldn't have experienced the most faith promoting experiences as the ones on my mission. Well, everything since my missions has been a faith promoting experience really. And I am beginning to accept that this is how it will be for the rest of my life. *Shrug* (Keeping this as a memory for when I am teaching posterity what it is all about)
Two weeks ago: Scene: My sister's bedroom. People present: Oldest sister, Older sister, Me and my mother. We talk about the dedication of the Frankfurt temple, how I don't really remember anything of Germany, different idiosyncrasies we have as a family. Talking about life and what things are going on. I really enjoy these moments with my family because it seems they are few and far between. Moments when I really just get to see my sisters for who they really are and I feel excepted for being really me. I cherish these moments.
I read some blogs and think to myself: "I wonder what other people are thinking when they read so and so's blog? Is the life they portray online the reality of which they live? Or is it what they wish was happening and isn't? Most of the blogs I read are not updated daily and it is a way for those people to journal what is going on. I want this blog to be the same, but I also want it to be a place where I can write my thoughts and get feedback. It will be a time before it because something that I do everyday, but it is a goal to see how long I can keep up the writing.
So thanks for going on my little excursion of thoughts. I hope you enjoyed the ride! What is something you have reminisced about recently?
I feel I have been reminiscing often lately and would like to invite you on a quick journey.
Today: Tried to find the location of a building and got side tracked on a video from a childhood friend. His younger siblings are really my good friends but I spent a lot of time at his house growing up because he was my oldest sister's best friend. It is a beautiful tale of a family dear to my heart. There are more memories caught up in this one family than I can write in a whole book. Unfortunately, at this time, my memory is shot and will not do justice to them. Needless to say, I am grateful for them.
Yesterday: Going through old messages on facebook and finding out what people really thought of me. I have a friend I have known for over 10 years and she wrote a journal entry about how we became friends and how she felt that I was one of the only people who didn't give up on her. How could I ever give up on her? Or on any one? I will say this: I find it easy to give up on things that are not giving energy back, positive or negative. There are certain people in my life that I will always communicate with, even after they pass this life. I believe these people know who they are, but some might not. This is not the time, nor the venue in which I will say who they are, but I am grateful for them! For their loving friendships and support. Sometimes older, sometimes the same, sometimes younger.
A couple of days ago: Staring at a picture that was taken literally minutes after I was sealed to my eternal companion. It sits on my desk right next to my computer at work. We looked so good as a couple. Happiness radiated from our smiles and excitement for what lay ahead. We had no idea what we were getting into. Not the marriage thing, because I could not ask for a better marriage. But the trials and stresses that would come along the way. Didn't expect those. Still not sure of what the future holds, but keeping things in a balance and realizing there is a greater plan already out there and is waiting to be explored.
A week ago: Organizing our house and giving unwanted things to DI or recycling what papers we can. Going through some of my mission planners and telling Ron what some of the pictures meant. Being reminded of one of the greatest struggles of my life and how it was for me. I can say I loved my mission only because I gave up myself and became a newer, better person. It is so funny. I thought I exercised faith before my mission. Then I thought I couldn't have experienced the most faith promoting experiences as the ones on my mission. Well, everything since my missions has been a faith promoting experience really. And I am beginning to accept that this is how it will be for the rest of my life. *Shrug* (Keeping this as a memory for when I am teaching posterity what it is all about)
Two weeks ago: Scene: My sister's bedroom. People present: Oldest sister, Older sister, Me and my mother. We talk about the dedication of the Frankfurt temple, how I don't really remember anything of Germany, different idiosyncrasies we have as a family. Talking about life and what things are going on. I really enjoy these moments with my family because it seems they are few and far between. Moments when I really just get to see my sisters for who they really are and I feel excepted for being really me. I cherish these moments.
I read some blogs and think to myself: "I wonder what other people are thinking when they read so and so's blog? Is the life they portray online the reality of which they live? Or is it what they wish was happening and isn't? Most of the blogs I read are not updated daily and it is a way for those people to journal what is going on. I want this blog to be the same, but I also want it to be a place where I can write my thoughts and get feedback. It will be a time before it because something that I do everyday, but it is a goal to see how long I can keep up the writing.
So thanks for going on my little excursion of thoughts. I hope you enjoyed the ride! What is something you have reminisced about recently?
Sunday, June 17, 2012
"And They Were of One Heart and One Mind"
Ron got to speak to one of his good friends and little brothers today: Cody Temperini! I have never met this person, but he seems pretty incredible. He just 16 when he found the Gospel of Jesus Christ and joined it. A year later Ron got to serve in the same congregation as he was living and they were instant pals. Cody just returned from serving a mission in Brasil and I know it was fun for Ron to talk to him. They are "of one heart and one mind".
But the title of my post is really about the powerhouse church meeting that we attended today. It was in our main worship service, Sacrament meeting, that the youth in our congregation gave a report of their service trip the completed this week. I know many of the people I associate with are Latter-day Saint (LDS) and so they know what youth conference is. However for those of you who are not LDS, I would like to explain a little. Like many Christian churches we have a youth program that helps strengthen their faith in Jesus Christ and helps them grow closer to God. They do this every Sunday during one of the hours of our three hour meeting times AND on another night of the week where they come together to fellowship one with another and help strengthen each other. They are taught, instructed and watched over by people serving in their congregation. Please note, unlike many Christian churches, these leaders are not paid to do this. It is a commitment they accept to fulfill for as long as they are needed there and they do it for free. Service, as set forth by the example of Jesus Christ, is one of the main foundations upon which the Gospel is built, and thus in turn, upon which the Church is built. Having a little background now, every year the youth and their leaders, plan a conference, or retreat as others would call it, where they grow in spirituality, love and witnesses of who Jesus Christ is and why they choose to follow him. That is what happened in our congregation this past week and it was really neat to hear what they had accomplished.
I currently live in Utah, specifically Pleasant Grove. There are about 75% LDS people in our congregation boundaries. About 50% of those people are active currently. So to give an idea, I grew up in Casselberry, Florida (a suburb of Orlando) and there were about 10 LDS youth in my high school, out of roughly 2500 students. I would say that is about the ratio of poeple who lived in my congregation boundaries and how many people were in the populations of the cities that encompassed our boundaries. So I would say where I grew up was about .004% LDS compared to the 75%LDS I live around currently. I don't know exactly what it is like living in such a heavily populated LDS area as a teenager, but I do remember what these "Youth Conferences" as LDS teenagers call them were like for me growing up. Today's report was very similar to how I felt then, almost 9 years to the day that I attended my last youth retreat.
The youth in our congregation traveled about 10 to 13 hours to get to a home built on one of the reservations in Arizona. There are 7 people living in a two bedroom house that is very worn down and needed a lot of fixing up. After having 12 to 15 hour days, these youth arrived Monday afternoon and came home last night. They worked on a lot of different things, the list of which I am working on getting a hold of. However, one of the most prevalent themes was how much the youth loved serving and working hard. They came together and learned how to love one another. They felt the love behind giving your all to someone else and helping them have a better life. They felt God's love for these people they served all week long. It made them love each other and themselves greater than they had before they left.
I was impressed that these youth understand what the whole picture is about. I was studying a couple of "talks" (speeches members of the church give each Sunday) today. They were written and delivered by Apostles of Jesus Christ. One is no longer living, but the other is. These two men were sharing a similar message as the youth of my congregation today: God loves us! He wants us to be happy. He has given us each other to love and learn from so that we can eventually become like him. That is what this life is about: preparing to meet and becoming like Jesus Christ, and God, Our Heavenly Father who sent Jesus Christ. That is what it is about.
I love Sunday's like these that allow me to reflect about what it is really about.
I hope it was a great day for everyone else! And Happy Father's Day! Celebrate Fathers and Families.
But the title of my post is really about the powerhouse church meeting that we attended today. It was in our main worship service, Sacrament meeting, that the youth in our congregation gave a report of their service trip the completed this week. I know many of the people I associate with are Latter-day Saint (LDS) and so they know what youth conference is. However for those of you who are not LDS, I would like to explain a little. Like many Christian churches we have a youth program that helps strengthen their faith in Jesus Christ and helps them grow closer to God. They do this every Sunday during one of the hours of our three hour meeting times AND on another night of the week where they come together to fellowship one with another and help strengthen each other. They are taught, instructed and watched over by people serving in their congregation. Please note, unlike many Christian churches, these leaders are not paid to do this. It is a commitment they accept to fulfill for as long as they are needed there and they do it for free. Service, as set forth by the example of Jesus Christ, is one of the main foundations upon which the Gospel is built, and thus in turn, upon which the Church is built. Having a little background now, every year the youth and their leaders, plan a conference, or retreat as others would call it, where they grow in spirituality, love and witnesses of who Jesus Christ is and why they choose to follow him. That is what happened in our congregation this past week and it was really neat to hear what they had accomplished.
I currently live in Utah, specifically Pleasant Grove. There are about 75% LDS people in our congregation boundaries. About 50% of those people are active currently. So to give an idea, I grew up in Casselberry, Florida (a suburb of Orlando) and there were about 10 LDS youth in my high school, out of roughly 2500 students. I would say that is about the ratio of poeple who lived in my congregation boundaries and how many people were in the populations of the cities that encompassed our boundaries. So I would say where I grew up was about .004% LDS compared to the 75%LDS I live around currently. I don't know exactly what it is like living in such a heavily populated LDS area as a teenager, but I do remember what these "Youth Conferences" as LDS teenagers call them were like for me growing up. Today's report was very similar to how I felt then, almost 9 years to the day that I attended my last youth retreat.
The youth in our congregation traveled about 10 to 13 hours to get to a home built on one of the reservations in Arizona. There are 7 people living in a two bedroom house that is very worn down and needed a lot of fixing up. After having 12 to 15 hour days, these youth arrived Monday afternoon and came home last night. They worked on a lot of different things, the list of which I am working on getting a hold of. However, one of the most prevalent themes was how much the youth loved serving and working hard. They came together and learned how to love one another. They felt the love behind giving your all to someone else and helping them have a better life. They felt God's love for these people they served all week long. It made them love each other and themselves greater than they had before they left.
I was impressed that these youth understand what the whole picture is about. I was studying a couple of "talks" (speeches members of the church give each Sunday) today. They were written and delivered by Apostles of Jesus Christ. One is no longer living, but the other is. These two men were sharing a similar message as the youth of my congregation today: God loves us! He wants us to be happy. He has given us each other to love and learn from so that we can eventually become like him. That is what this life is about: preparing to meet and becoming like Jesus Christ, and God, Our Heavenly Father who sent Jesus Christ. That is what it is about.
I love Sunday's like these that allow me to reflect about what it is really about.
I hope it was a great day for everyone else! And Happy Father's Day! Celebrate Fathers and Families.
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